Twenty mysterious facts you wouldn't know if it weren't for TV...
From David Thurlo, co-author of Enemy Way and other thrillers, comes this list, via good ol' Dorothy L, of truly amazing facts we are eternally grateful to television for teaching us. By the way, you can file this one under "Found Humour of the Internet," since neither David nor I know the original source. Anyway, here goes...
- If being stalked by a serial killer, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
- If being chased by authorities, you can usually take cover in a passing parade (St. Patrick's, etc.) any time of the year.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
- A private eye will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- The chief of police is always wrong.
- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- Cars and trucks that crash almost always burst into flames. (also known as "The Simpsons Rule")
- Stripping to the waist makes a man invulnerable to bullets (commonly referred to as "The Willis Rule")
- If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy enough to find him. Just relax and take a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
- A single match is sufficient to light up a room the size of the Astrodome.
- Any person waking from a nightmare will automatically sit bolt upright and pant.
- One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than do the 20 men shooting at him.
- Creepy music coming from a graveyard or basement should always be closely investigated.
- Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings, especially if any of their family or friends have died in strange boating accidents.
- Police departments give their officers personality tests to insure officers are assigned partners who are their complete opposites.
- It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will politely and patiently wait to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
- Heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage after laying waste to the city during high speed chases and shooting it out in public.
- You can always find a chainsaw whenever you need one.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off (another interesting fact: bombs can only be defused within 10 seconds of detonation).
- Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, throw the gun away. You can always find another one (this is apparently one of the American Amendments...the second?)