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I appreciate comments and suggestions as much as the next web monkey, but I'm so tired of answering some questions. They clog my mailbox each and every day, and it seems no matter how often I take the time to politely answer them, someone else (or sometimes, even more infuriatingly, the very same person) comes along the next day and asks them all again. I'd love to answer everyone personally, but I just don't have the time anymore. Or the patience, in a few cases. When exactly were the words "please" and "thank you" outlawed, anyway? And what kind of pretentious twit writes in all lower case or UPPER CASE? So, from now on, I'm not answering any of the following questions that contain the following:
What I will do, though, for those I take sympathy on, is post their requests on my Help Page and perhaps on Rude Wit and Raucous Laughter, our newsletter. Maybe some of my readers will take pity on your wretched souls. Sorry, about this, but I hope you'll under-stand. You might also read the Introduction to this site. It couldn't hurt. In fact, a good percentage of queries I receive could be answered if people would just READ CAREFULLY. I'll probably be adding more questions here, as time goes by.
Where
can I buy recordings of (insert title of television/radio/film
here)? If, by chance, you do find a really good source, please contact me and let me know, and I'll add it to the site. And if you ask me politely enough, I will post your request on my Help Page. Why
aren't your book prices listed? Isn't that a bit dishonest? Where
can I buy the August 1938 issue of Black Mask (or any other pulps)? I'm
looking for a back issue of Thrilling Detective from the 1930's.
Can you help me? I'm
a novice writer of private eye fiction, and I'd love for you
guys to publish my stuff. How do I submit a story? Why
don't you have (Charlie Chan? Hercule Poirot? Miss Marple?) on
your list? Are you racist? sexist? ageist? whateverist? Hey,
great site! But I can't find your mag on any of the newsstands
around here. Can I subscribe? Why
is your site so confusing? How
can I advertise on your site? Hey,
how come you sell books through that big bad Amazon, and don't
support those blessed little independent mystery bookstores? Hey,
great site! Where can I buy a T-shirt of your cover? My
aunt/grandfather/second cousin was in an episode of Whatever.
How can I get more info? It's
very important that I contact Tom Selleck (or whoever). I'm his
biggest fan. What's his phone number? I asked you to to check out my web site/book/manuscript and get back to me. Why haven't you? What
an opionated blowhard you are! Where else can I read your stuff? Fuck
you asshole. You are one fucking big time loser. I don't know
if your uncle sexually abused you or you were the ugly fat kid
that always got picked on, but you are one fucked up individle. Dear
(famous person)... Hey,
Kev, what's the deal with you and DorothyL? Were you really kicked
off? In June 1999, I was booted off ("permanent removal" was the official phrase) what was once probably the premier internet mystery discussion group for what I thought was a mildly self-deprecating post about my own paranoia and some of the petty squabbling on the list. Evidently, Diane Kovacs, one of the moderators, decided my post was actually "behaviour beyond rude." You can read the offending letter (assuming they haven't deleted it from the archives) and the very illuminating subsequent post where she explained she was tired of my "masturbating with words" and called my defenders (basically anyone else who wondered why I had been expelled from the list) "damned bastards" and me a lying "slimy scumbag," on the archives. I guess I could learn a lot about web etiquette from a classy lady like that. But then she asked me to rejoin the list, for as little coherent reason as she'd been offered me when I was kicked off in the first place. For some reason, several people objected to being called "damned bastards" -- including Laura Lippman, Alison Gordon, Carole Epstein, D.L. Browne, Terrill Lankford and Michael Seidman, and several decided to stop posting to the list. I'm not particularly proud of the whole incident, but I'm not ashamed, either. I'm not the one who acted like a petulant tyrant, trying to find a scapegoat for all her woes. And, for the record, I don't feel I ever gratuitously insulted anyone, nor stooped to attacking people for personal reasons. I certainly never stooped to the the kinds of personal insults (and a rather nasty suggestion that I just die) that were directed at me by my opponents, and not only tolerated, but encouraged by Diane. But, as I said, don't take my word for it. You can read the whole sordid tale in the archives tucked away in the list archives, if you really have nothing better to do. I thought then -- and I still do -- that it was all pretty silly,especially in retrospect. But it didn't end there. In October 1999, I was kicked off again, this time for joining in on a thread regarding alleged critic and speed reader Harriet Klausner, and the trustworthiness of her reviews. I noted a glaring plot discrepancy between her review and the actual book, Greg Rucka's Shooting At Midnight. Evidently, this was construed by the same list moderator, my ol' pal Diane Kovacs, as a personal attack. She dragged my name through the mud again, this time accusing me, and anyone who dared agree with me, of having "psychological difficulties," and of flaming Harriet and personally attacking her. She then suggested I was "a coward" for hiding behind a keyboard, called me a few more names, and publicly challenged me to a face-to-face showdown in St. Louis. The same day, though, just in case I responded, she kicked me off the list. Once again, in the wake of my removal, a number of people quit, this time the most notable being Michael Seidman, a well-known mystery editor, who took exception to Ms. Kovacs putting him under review for saying, in passing, at the end of one of his posts, that "I miss Kevin." And that's about it, except that by 2005, Ms. Kovacs was claiming that I was never kicked off the list, while at the same time accusing me of making her fellow moderator, Kara Robinson (AKA "Danger Mouse"), cry. Which is news to me -- Kara and I have corresponded sporadically over the years (including once when I invited her to join me on a 2001 Bouchercon panel), and she's never once claimed I ever made her cry. But she's probably -- as La Kovacs would put it -- a "damned bastard" too. Last I heard, Ms. Kovacs was taking a sabbatical from moderating the list for mental health reasons or some such. But don't take my word for any of this -- look it up. Dear
site owner,
If your request doesn't include theses things, forget it, you're probably wasting my time. And automated requests (they're easy enough to spot) head right for the trash... |
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