Like all good dictators, I'm a sweetheart as long as you play by my rules... and the basic rule for this site is "Do not ask me stupid questions I've already answered on the site."

Look, I appreciate comments and suggestions as much as the next web monkey, and I honestly don't mind anyone who politely asks me an honest question, who's already honestly tried to find out the answer on their own. But I don't know everything, and I simply don't have the time to do the often very basic, rudimentary research required to answer all the queries I receive. And half the time I don't even know what you're talking about -- believe it or not, I haven't memorized my entire site. Please be specific.

I'm growing pretty tired of people who expect me to devote my life to doing their web searches, homework or crossword puzzles.

And far too often the letters are poorly written, or even rude. When exactly were the words "please" and "thank you" outlawed, anyway? And what kind of person writes in all lower case or UPPER CASE?

What makes it worse, though, is that when I do manage to help someone out, I usually don't receive a word of thanks, or even a word of acknowledgement that the information I supplied was useful. And when I'm not able to help someone out, but do take the time to try to suggest to these people places where they could start their search (like my FAQs page, for instance), they are often, well, less than grateful ("Thanks for nothing" was one of the kinder replies.). Like, gee, sorry for trying to help!

Honest, despite the morons, I'd love to answer everyone personally, but I just don't have the time anymore.

Or increasingly, the patience.

So, from now on, unless you write me a particularly compelling and respectful letter, I'm not personally answering. Particularly if your letter contains:

  • Obscenity
  • All caps or all lower case
  • Requests for purchasing info on movies, radio or television episodes, books or comics. Sorry. I DO NOT SELL VIDEOS.
  • Requests for author's or contributor's addresses or phone numbers.
  • Indiscriminate general mailings -- you have something to ask me, ask me by name
  • By the same token, sign your real name. Flamingbuttocks@hotmail.com is not a real name.
  • Requests for info that is already answered on my site (that's why I have a FAQs page and a Search Engine) or readily available on the web. Laziness and incompetence is not quite as charming as some of you lardasses think.

What I will do, though, is post your requests here. Maybe some of my readers with more patience and time on their hands than me will take pity on your wretched souls. Sorry about this, but I hope you'll understand.

You might also read the Introduction. It couldn't hurt. In fact, a good percentage of queries I receive could be answered if people would just READ CAREFULLY.




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