Vallery Irons
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The biologically preposterous Pamela Anderson Lee stars in (and is executive producer of) this syndicated Cheese-O-Rama, about VALLERY IRONS, a girl working at a hotdog stand who accidently saves a celebrity and is mistaken for a bodyguard. So what can a poor girl do but assemble a team of beautiful men and women and form a celebrity bodyguard agency called V.I.P.? I'll bet it happens all the time.

Brain implants, anyone?

But hey, what do I know? This thing lasted for four years (until the production company went belly-up) and apparently has a dedicated cult following who still actually take it seriously.

UNDER OATH

• "Though VIP is about as low-brow you can get... it is incredibly fun and succeeds as topnotch, mindless entertainment. If watching half dressed, super buff villains, celebrity bodyguards and real guest celebrities chase each other down the beaches of Los Angeles riding Quads and zipping around in cigarette boats with Uzis blasting is your idea of entertainment, look no further. Part Baywatch, part A-Team, and part Barb Wire, VIP may just be the best show you never knew existed"
  (Rob Bracco, Amazon.com)

TELEVISION

• V.I.P.
  (1998-2000, U.S. Syndicated)
  44 60-minute episodes, and counting
  Directed by Chuck Bowman, Steve Cohen
  Starring Pamela Anderson as VALLERY IRONS
  Also starring Molly Culver as Tasha Dexter
  Shaun Baker as Quick Williams
  Natalie Raitano as Nikki Franco
  Leah Lail as Kay Simmons
  Angelle Brooks as Maxine
  and Dustin Nguyen as Johnny Lo
  

• 1st Season...Buy this season on DVD
• "Beats Working at a Hot Dog Stand" (September 26, 1998)
• "What to Do With Vallery Irons When You're Dead" (October 3, 1998)
• "Bloody Val-entine" (October 10, 1998)
• "One Wedding and Val's Funeral" (October 17, 1998)
• "Scents and Sensibility" (October 24, 1998)
• "Diamonds are a Val's Best Friend" (October 31, 1998)
• "Deconstructing Peri" (November 7, 1998)
• "Val Got Game" (November 14, 1998)
• "Vallery of the Dolls" (November 21, 1998)
• "Midnight in the Garden of Ronnie Beeman " (January 16, 1999)
• "Good Val Hunting" (January 23, 1999)
• "Escape From Val-catraz " (January 30, 1999)
• "The Last Temptation of Val " (February 6, 1999)
• "Val Under Siege With a Vengeance " (February 13, 1999)
• "Val on the Run" (February 20, 1999)
• "ThunderVal " (February 27, 1999)
• "The Quiet Brawler " ( (March 6, 1999)
• "K-Val" (March 13, 1999)
• "Mudslide" (May 1, 1999)
• "Raging Val" (May 8, 1999)
• "Three Days to a Kill " (May 15, 1999)
• "Val the Hard Way " (May 22, 1999)
  .
• 2nd Season
• "Return of The Owl" (September 25, 1999)
• "Big Top Val" (October 2, 1999)
• "Ransom of Red Val" (October 9, 1999)
• "Dr. StrangeVal 26" (October 16, 1999)
• "Quick and the Dead " (October, 1999)
• "Valma and Louise" (October 30, 1999)
• "Stop or Val's Mom Will Shoot! " (November 6, 1999)
• "Val Goes to Town " (November 13, 1999)
• "Mao Better Blues " (November 20, 1999)
• "Why Too Kay? " (November 27, 1999)
• "Dangerous Beauty" (January 22, 2000)
• "Analyse Val " (January 29, 2000)
• "All You Need is Val " (February 5, 2000)
• "New Val'd Order" (February 12, 2000)
• "Vallery's Secret" (February 19, 2000)
• "Hard Val's Night" ( (February 26, 2000)
• "Third Eye Blond" (April 1, 2000)
• "Val's On First" (April 8, 2000)
• "Val Point Blank " (April 29, 2000)
• "Franco In Love" (May 6, 2000)
• "Lights, Camera Val " (May 13, 2000)
• "Ride of the Valkyries " (May 20, 2000)
  .
• 3rd Season
• "Survi-Val" (October 7, 2000)
• "Loh-Down Dirty Shame" (October 14, 2000)
• "For Val's Eyes Only" (October 21, 2000)
• "V.I.P., R.I.P." (October 28, 2000)
• "Throw Val From the Train" (November 4, 2000)
• "Run, Val, Run" (November 11, 2000)
• "Magnificent Val" (November 18, 2000)
• "ExValibur" (November 25, 2000)
• "Get Vallery" (January 13, 2001)
• "Bodyguards" (January 20, 2001)
• "Val in Space" (January 27, 2001)
• "Val Squared" (February 3, 2001)
• "Val on Fire" (February 10, 2001)
• "A.I. Highrise17 February 17, 2001)
• "Val In Carnation" (February 24, 2001)
• "Goodfidellas" (April 7, 2001)
• "Amazon Val" (April 14, 2001)
• "Val Under Covers" (April 21, 2001)
• "Aqua Valva" (April 28, 2001)
• "Molar Ice Cap" (May 5, 2001)
• "It's Val's Wonderful Life" (May 12, 2001)
• "Val's Big Bang" (May 19, 2001)
  
  
• Season 4
• "21 Val Street" (September 22, 2001)
• "Chasing Anna" (September 29, 2001)
• "Holy Val" (October 6, 2001)
• "Millennium Man" (October 13, 2001)
• "South By Southwest" (October 20, 2001)
• "Valzheimer's" (October 27, 2001)
• "The Uncle From V.A.L." (November 3, 2001)
• "Pen Pal Val" (November 10, 2001)
• "Kayus Ex Machina" (November 17, 2001)
• "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Val" (November 24, 2001)
• "Saving Private Irons" (January 19, 2002)
• "Diagnosis Val" (January 26, 2002)
• "Val Cubed" (February 2, 2002)
• "The K-Files" (February 9, 2002)
• "48 1/2 Hours" (February 16, 2002)
• "Dude, Where's My Party?" (February 23, 2002)
• "Kiss The Val" (April 13, 2002)
• "Miss Con-Jeanie-Ality" (April 20, 2002)
• "Sunshine Girls" (April 27, 2002)
• "True Val Story" (May 4, 2002)
• "Val Who Cried Wolf" (May 11, 2002)
• "Valley Wonka" (May 18, 2002)
  

Drop a dime. Your comments, suggestions, corrections and contributions are always welcome.
"...and I'll tell you right out that I'm a man who likes talking to a man that likes to talk."