"I'd stumbled into the middle of an evil, insidious cult of chainsaw worshipping maniacs. I had to wonder if we'd let our religious freedom go too far in this country, or maybe our immigration laws were just too lax."
A wildly hysterical T&A horror comedy from cult exploitation director Fred Olen Ray, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is one of those rare ultra-low-budget sexploitation flicks that actually deserves its status as a camp classic. It's full of beautiful naked girls, deliberately lame dialogue, and cartoonish gore. Basically, if you like the title, you'll probably dig the movie.
A down-and-out L.A. private eye with the remarkably clever and original sobriquet of JACK CHANDLER (well-played in a tongue-in-cheek manner by Richardson), is hired to find a missing young woman (Eighties scream Queen Quigley). His search leads him to the titular streetwalkers ("They charge an arm and a leg!"), members of (and I kid you not) an ancient Egyptian chainsaw-worshipping cult. (The high-priest of the cult is played by Gunnar Hansen, who played "Leatherface" in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre!) Highlights of this one-time late night cable staple include delightfully bad P.I. voice-overs ("The kid talked like a frosted flake, but she had the nicest set of knockers I'd seen in a long time."), a buxom hooker who lovingly covers her treasured Elvis poster in plastic sheeting before taking a chainsaw to her unsuspecting john, topless fire-eating (!), and the climactic "ritual virgin dance of the double chainsaws."
It's not a good movie, but it's a great bad one.
Thanks to Chris Mills for this one, and he gets extra points for using the word 'titular' in the same paragraph as "streetwalkers," "knockers" and "virgins" without smirking.
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