On Writing...

Authors Say the Darnedest Things

"They're fancy talkers about themselves, writers. If I had to give young writers advice, I would say don't listen to writers talk about writing or themselves."

Lillian Hellman

"All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives lies a mystery. Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand."

George Orwell

"They live over-strained lives in which far too much humanity is sacrificed to far too little art."

Raymond Chandler

"Writing is a hard game. No one asked you to start. No one will notice if you stop.”

George V. Higgins

"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose."

P. G. Wodehouse

On detective and crime fiction

  • "The first essential value of the detective story lies in this, that it is the earliest and only form of popular literature in which is expressed some sense of the poetry of modern life."

-- G.K. Chesterton, creator of Father Brown

  • "Crime is but a left-handed form of human endeavour."

-- W.R. Burnett

On other genres

  • "They pay brisk money for this crap?"

-- Raymond Chandler on science fiction, in a 1953 letter, from Selected Letters of Raymond Chandler

On fiction

  • "The difference between reality and fiction? Fiction has to make sense."

-- Tom Clancy

On discipline

  • "It's always a question of discipline. You know, talent is God given and you can learn every trick in the book, but if you don't have the discipline to sit down and hone your craft and do it every God damn day, then you're not going to get anywhere."

-- Greg Rucka, from Inside the Comic Book Writers' Studio

  • "There isn't any secret. You sit down and you start and that's it."

-- Elmore Leonard, from Sara Rosett's FAQs

  • "Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life."

-- Lawrence Kasdan

  • "I'm a slow writer... I envy writers who can just dash right through. I agonize, I whine, I back up, I delete. Eventually, something comes out that seems to be a book, but you can't prove it by me. I'm still waiting for it to get easy."

-- Sue Grafton

  • "Being a real writer means being able to do the work on a bad day."

-- Norman Mailer

On literature

  • "When a book, any sort of book, reaches a certain intensity of artistic performance it becomes literature. That intensity may be a matter of style, situation, character, emotional tone, or idea, or half a dozen other things. It may also be a perfection of control over the movement of a story similiar to the control a great pitcher has over a ball."

-- Raymond Chandler

  • "I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper."

-- Steve Martin, star and co-writer of Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

On developing as a writer

  • "The first draft of anything is shit."

-- Ernest Hemingway

  • " 'Stages of development' are for people who write one book a year."

-- Robert Randisi, in 2011 Barnes & Noble interview. Bob would discuss this further, but he's got another book to write.

On reading

  • "If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time or the tools to write."

-- Stephen King, from On Writing

On short stories

  • "A good story cannot be devised; it has to be distilled."

-- Raymond Chandler

On the pulps

  • "Yes, I am a hack. A hack writer banging at deadlines. Slapping words into place. Finding errors in judgment 100 pages back that it’s too fucking late to do anything about so I better figure out a way to force the plot to make up for it in the next 50 pages. This is how pulp is made....Pulp isn’t a .45 and a fedora and a monster lurking and a dame in a short skirt and a low cut blouse and a 36-24-36 figure, it’s a story cranked out for love or money when there’s no time to sweat about the last word you wrote or the one after the one you’re writing right fucking now."

-- Charlie Huston

  • "Pulp tip #1: Omit unnecessary words? Not in pulp. Any word that gets you closer to your daily word count goal is absolutely necessary."

-- Christa Faust, Writer. Fetishist. Pulp Enthusiast."

  • Pulp tip #2: Don't look back. Just keep writing."

-- Christa Faust, Writer. Fetishist. Pulp Enthusiast."

On editors

  • "When I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so that it will stay split."

-- Raymond Chandler

  • "To entrust to an editor a story over which you have labored and to which your name and reputation are attached can be like sending your daughter off for an evening with Ted Bundy."

-- Edna Buchanan

On the public

  • "The only two kinds of books could earn an American writer a living are cookbooks and detective novels. "

-- Rex Stout

  • "My purpose is to entertain myself first and other people secondly."

-- John D. MacDonald

  • "I want story, wit, music, wryness, color, and a sense of reality in what I read, and I try to get it in what I write."

-- John D. MacDonald

  • "Those big shot writers... could never dig the fact that there are more peanuts consumed than caviar."

-- Mickey Spillane

  • "My standard for verisimilitude is simple and I came to it when I started to write prose narrative: fuck the average reader. I was always told to write for the average reader in my newspaper life. The average reader, as they meant it, was some suburban white subscriber with two-point-whatever kids and three-point-whatever cars and a dog and a cat and lawn furniture. He knows nothing and he needs everything explained to him right away, so that exposition becomes this incredible, story-killing burden. Fuck him. Fuck him to hell."

-- David Simon, from an interview with Nick Hornby

  • "I think every author who takes this business seriously should work for a while as a bookseller. It's strange to see how many authors don't understand how books are sold."

-- Ace Atkins, who worked at Barnes & Noble shelver, in Publisher's Weekly, April 16, 2012

On Critics and Reviews

  • "I have learned things from reviews, ways to improve my writing."

-- Elmore Leonard, in interview in The New Black Mask, 1985

On love in mysteries

  • "Love interest nearly always weakens a mystery because it introduces a type of suspense that is antagonistic to the detective's struggle to solve a problem."

-- Raymond Chandler

On fair play in mysteries

  • "At least half the mystery novels published violate the law that the solution, once revealed, must appear inevitable."

-- Raymond Chandler

On moving the plot along

  • ""When in doubt have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand."

-- Raymond Chandler, from the introduction to Trouble Is My Business

On deadlines

  • "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."

-- Douglas Adams

On being published

  • "The difference between being in print and out of print is the same as the difference between being alive and being dead."

-- Donald Westlake

  • "Master your craft... Don't self-publish. That's as good as admitting you're too lazy to do the hard work."

-- Sue Grafton in The Passive Voice, 2012

On books by crooks

  • "You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style."

-- Professor Humbert Humbert in Lolita (1955) by Vladimir Nabokov

On the actual writing

  • "The faster I write the better my output. If I'm going slow, I'm in trouble. It means I'm pushing the words instead of being pulled by them."

-- Raymond Chandler

  • "Through joy and through sorrow, I -- wrote. Through hunger and through thirst, I--wrote. Through good report and through ill report, I -- wrote. Through sunshine and through moonshine, I--wrote. What I wrote it is unnecessary to say."

-- Edgar A. Poe

  • "That's what you do, man, you put down one word after the other as it comes in your head. It isn't like having to learn how to play the piano, like you have to learn notes. you already learned in school how to write, didn't you? I hope so. You have the idea and you put down what you want to say. Then you get somebody to add in the commas... where they belong, if you aren't positive yourself. Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words. There people do that for you. Some, I've even seen scripts where I know wortds weren't spelled right and there was hardly any commas in it. So I don't think it's too important."

-- from Get Shorty by Elmore Leonard
(By the way, notice that ALL Leonard's commas are in the RIGHT place?)

  • "Words are great foes of reality."

-- Joseph Conrad

  • "Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

-- Dave Barry

  • "A writer doesn't write with his mind, he writes with his hands."

-- Henry Seidel Canby of the Saturday Review. Pulpster Frederick C. Davis called this "The most valuable and penetrating comment I have ever seen on writing--any kind," in The Mystery Writer's Handbook.

  • "What's the use of kicking?"

-- Jim Thompson

  • "I'm smart one day out of thirty, but I never know which day it will be so I have to sit here patiently, feeling liker an ignortamus most of the time."

-- Sue Grafton

To Thine Own Self Be True

  • "The only thing an artist has to remember is to never lose faith in his vision."

-- James Lee Burke

On the Rules of Writing

  • "There are no rules. You can write a story, if you wish, with no conflict, no suspense, no beginning, middle or end. Of course, you have to be regarded as a genius to get away with it, and that's the hardest part -- convincing everybody you're a genius."

-- Frederic Brown

List respectfully compiled by Kevin Burton Smith. Thanks to Scott Wolven for his contributions.


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