Lance Barnes
Created by Stefan Petrucha (text) and Barry Crain (art)

This is a weird one.

There have been some real screw-up P.I.s before, but LANCE BARNES, POST NUKE DICK, of comic book fame, takes the cake. Other P.I.s have botched cases, sent the wrong person to prison, even killed innocent bystanders. But our boy Lance almost destroyed a whole planet. At the very least, he brought about the end of the world as we know it.

Through a convuluted, gloriously surreal chain of events, somehow only Lance could save the world from annihilation, by disarming a nuclear missile. Simple really, all he had to do was disarm a device, cut one of two wires. Either the red one or the green one.

Simple, right?

Except old Lance chose the wrong one. So now he's stuck in the severely wonky, post-nuclear world that he made possible, full of crazed survivors, malicious mutants and would-be new world leaders, where cigarettes are scarcer than honesty in government and justice works on the point system.

So what's a poor, post-nuke dick to do but keep on keeping on? Fedora jammed down, ratty old trenchcoat blowing in the radioactive wind, Lance heads out onto where dem ol' mean streets used to be, picking up whatever scraps of detective work he can, working for canned peaches, half in advance, or maybe some cigarettes, if he's extremely lucky, accompanied by his faithful gal Friday, the one-legged Peg, the only one who knows his terrible secret. And she aint talkin'.

So far...

Definitely a twisted and intensely dark sense of humour at work here. I mean, look at that guy up there? Doncha think he should lay off the caffeine or something?

Not for everyone, maybe, but it did me nicely, thank you very much...



Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith. Illustration of Lance Barnes by Barry Crain.

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